Elisabeth Borne launches a new (rantan) cycling plan!

Published on September 23, 2022



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Time passes quickly, but not enough to forget everything.

This is how we remember that a little over a year ago a certain Élisabeth Borne brilliantly launched a first cycling plan that finally allowed every Frenchman to enter the 21st century – by stepping on the pedals. To perfect the results already flamboyant from this first cycle plan, here now dawns another cycle plan, the scents of success of which are already smelling in an audience that we know is obviously conquered.

It is generally said that intelligence is particularly characterized by an ability to adapt to the changing parameters of one’s environment. On the contrary, the obstinacy, stubbornness and completely out of step with the reality of the field Elizabeth Borne to put everyone on biclos to establish a pretty good measure of the skill that awaits us when we intuitively sense that the Prime Minister has not yet given his all power to do absolutely anything. The level is not yet Olympic and apparently we are only at 0.78 BLM, the standard reference of a certain Bruno de Bercy.

And while the foreground had finally allowed so many French people to acquire a bicycle thanks to taxpayers’ free money, this second plan intends to create an invaluable and indispensable “Interministerial Committee for Cycling”, whose members – the concerned ministers such as transport, energy, health , sports, and why not education, the army or the solidarity of the delta wing with chrome biturbo and so on – will be able to meet every six months, to pilot as closely as possible the penetration of the bicycle into all French households.

gifa bike faceplant fail bike

250 million euros is a straw in these times of joyful abundance, which will therefore be mobilized to – I quote the ecstatic press – “creating a national cycling sector”which is a good step to impose soft mobility on everyone whose goal, I remind you, is to find methods sweet crushing pedestrians and creating monster traffic jams in big cities.

At least that! Just think: having mastered nuclear power, space, high-speed rail and minitel, France cannot stop on such a good path, where a few extra pedal strokes would obviously drive it down the dam of happiness and brownstone offan industrial revolution capable alone of making the country a new reference in pedalomania technologies.

These investments, which will trail like anchovies on the canapés of cocktail parties at the Élysée until 2027, also intend to bring an entire age group to master these machines of the future. Just like the matriculation exam, which also enabled an entire age group to proudly master reading, writing and the addition and multiplication tables up to 6, we can therefore consider ourselves safe: by 2027, all children in France will be able to drive a limited electric tricycle. , wearing a helmet and under the supervision of a duly accredited official.

An obvious question will no doubt bother the attentive reader: when will there be a scooter plan? A few hundred million euros – at most – would undoubtedly make it possible to raise awareness of the polluting motorist, to educate the users of these new means of transport in the essential traffic rules and (in particular) live togetherand at the same time develop a few more scooter lanes in the big cities.

Assuming cars disappear (inevitably according to some) and apart from a few bicycles, the roads will therefore be almost empty, mechanically reviving interest in learning to travel on horseback again. This will raise other concerns, but we don’t care, because then Startup Nèchion will be in total resonance with Gaïa, will master technologies seen nowhere else, and will have this (imitable) smell of late 19th century dung. century that tourists will fight to come and smell.

No doubt that with this new cycling plan (and its lunar cross-ministerial committee), the mockery of the face is total, complete, visible and undeniable.

Little by little we can even hope that this visibility will reach everyone and show that the forced march towards greening is making the whole country unlivable: in what looks like a major intellectual route and the absence of any planning (but which in reality is , perfectly intended), people are being pushed towards electric cars, even though absolutely everything is done to reduce the available electricity production, since the political decisions that pretended to liberalize the energy (and what a farce!) to the arbitrary closing of power plants go through the resale of electricity at a loss or the purchase of gas on behalf of a Germany that has not stopped stabbing its European partners, especially France.

We are now going to encourage the simpletons to get electric cars (which they do, the simpletons!) and at the same time calmly explain to them that we should probably refrain from charging them this winter to avoid worries. That schadenfreude owners of thermal cars will not compensate for the misery that will befall everyone without distinction (with the exception of politicians who have conscientiously pushed this abyss into the legislative pipes).

As a reminder, the decision to close 12 additional reactors still not cancelled at the tip of sinister swellings that rule us.

This country is screwed.

gifa bike crash fail bike
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