Why is Christmas a real alien?

Jul released his eighth album last Friday (June 3) (we stopped counting from the twentieth). Entitled Extraterrestrial, it once again develops a theme that is dear to the Marseille rapper: his UFO side of French rap. Whether it’s the title of his albums (L’Ovni), his pictures (Inspi d’ailleurs, Free Album Vol.6), his clips (Fait d’or, On m’appelle l’ovni) and even its merchandising, Christmas put a lot of emphasis on ET characters and their flying saucers. In addition to all this imagery, Christmas shows many similarities with beings from another planet or even another galaxy. Is he a real alien? We conducted the survey.

He never sleeps

767 albums in less than ten years, 40-minute freestyles on the radio, more than 100 certified singles, time for collective projects that bring together all of Marseille (13 organized) and then all of France (Classico Organized), an album of 20 tracks. the clip … We did the calculations several times and our results are formal: Even with counting days of 20 hours of work, 365 a year, without the slightest day off or the slightest weekend, it is technically impossible to show such productivity. Conclusion: Christmas does not take time to sleep. He also confirms on the title Bientôt j’me size: “Nah, I do not sleep at night”.

This is obviously impossible for a human being, as sleep is essential for any species that is subject to the circadian rhythm. Christmas therefore belongs to a different type of realm, probably based on a different biology that is able to liberate itself during evolution from its need for rest and sleep. An undeniable evolutionary advantage to dominate French rap, the first step in a comprehensive plan to conquer the galaxy.

He goes to weddings in tracksuits and sharks

Seriously, what human being does that?

Neither fame nor money has the slightest influence on him

Whether it is through flattery, venality, love of power or ego, people, no matter how pure they are, always end up being corrupted by success. You will not achieve superstar status or multimillionaire status without sacrificing a little of your soul or a few friendships. Christmas is the exception that proves the rule: There is absolutely no difference between the rapper who was interviewed a few days ago by BFM TV and the rapper who drove in reserve in his clio ten years earlier and laid out his freestyles for his 40 friends on Facebook.

He’s still dancing, he’s riding an electric scooter, and he does not even count his money (“I do not even want to count the profits”). Even in his public image, he is always careful not to set a bad example: he makes sure we never see him in a picture with a cigarette in his hand. Either Christmas really has the purest heart in the whole showbiz, or he comes from a different civilization than ours where money and fame do. does not exist, so it makes sense that none of them have the slightest influence on his personality and his behavior.

He spends his time telling us, but no one will listen

“Leave me alone, I’m from somewhere else”, “I always have my eyes on the moon because I dreamed I touched the stars”, “they call me UFO”, “call me ONE”, “I’m in a other world, far from you “ … At some point you have to face the facts: Christmas comes from another planet, he repeats it for us in every album, he kills himself by trying to open our eyes. Problem: For evocative of his songs, listeners live in denial and refuse to heed his cries for help. Christmas is locked into his role as a successful singer, and seems doomed to produce hits indefinitely, without anyone taking into account what he is actually trying to tell us.

He is far too human to be a real human being

The engineers on his planet, who are responsible for building him a human biological envelope, have been zealous: By seeking to create a creature that in every respect corresponds to the concept of “humanity”, they have betrayed themselves. Too humble for a superstar (“I bought a rolex, but I put the casio“), Too generous for a multimillionaire (free albums, free NFTs, 20 clips at once), too respectful of a human being (“I never look at your wife”), It was designed after a model completely out of step with the human species. Its framework largely lacks greed, jealousy and hatred – essential ingredients in a human being’s equation.

He collects gold discs as if they were the fuel to reach his home planet

No one really knows what Christmas is doing with his hundreds of gold and platinum discs that have accumulated since 2014. He may be picking them up to make a copy of the Pisa Tower in his garden unless he puts directly into “the gold and the precious metals “basket of the selective sorting container. Another hypothesis exists in scientific circles: flying saucers equipped with antibody motors would use gold, platinum and diamond discs as fuel.

Lost on the planet Earth, with strange people, poor Christmas would therefore have started a career in rap to provide enough fuel to reach his home planet. According to our estimates, if his tank was dry when he arrived in Marseille, it was 65/70% full (it totally depends on whether he is traveling in eco mode or in sport mode). A few more years of success, and it may disappear from one day to the next as K-Pax or Kevin Spacey’s career.

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